It’s my dream to exploit a wicked ballroom style tango, cha-cha, and salsa thing in front of my friends and future family when I take my “first dance” with my new bride. To me there’s no better audience to captivate than the ones that knew you in diapers or when you were rrested that time or used to blow dry your hair like one of the New Kids on the Block.
A wedding is a great redemption to stand up and say, this is my Hot Wife and these are our hot moves. Prepare your guts for that awful feeling of jealousy and enjoy the open bar before we say goodbye and get busy in the back of a limo.
I arrived at the sister’s wedding in full magician’s garb. Meaning, my suit was well stocked with every trick I’ve learned in the last year, minus the doves. My goal was simply to become the world’s greatest Uncle to the world’s most awesome niece, but it turns out 6-year olds are hard to entertain. I bent a real penny in front a small boy’s eyes and he gave it back hoping I could turn it into something else, like a dollar. So I made my rounds wowing the adults instead with great results except for a few that feared I’d given up my day job.
Random quote of the wedding was grandma mistaking me saying, “I’m a little hot.” She fired back surprised with a rather loud, “You’re a little High?”
當我跟阿嬤說''我有點熱''時，阿嬤聽錯就算了，居然很驚訝的吆喝我：''你說啥? 你好膽說你現在很亢奮?''(按:指吸毒後的亢奮 XD)
The highlight of the adventure to the motherland was the visit to my first place of employment after I decided I didn’t want to build fences with my Dad.
I got a job at a craft store when I was 15 to earn some cash. I was a stock clerk responsible for taking inventory of all things crafty, from boxes of glue to big fake bouquets of plastic plants, the kind you see on tombstones. During the holidays I was entrusted the glamorous task of making garland and wreath displays high up on the store walls using Christmas lights, hot glue and papier-mâché reindeer. On good days I cut great lengths of ribbon and learned how to tie elegant bows. Plus, the workplace was entirely women. Sure, most of them were Senior Citizens, but I can’t think of a better group to go to the movies with for the up front parking and amazing discounts.
When I moved back to my town from New York City in 1996 I returned to the craft store for employment, but this time I was promoted to the Frame Shop, a respectable corner of the store where you weren’t bothered with requests about everything else. We were specific to framing, cutting glass, mattes, designing, creating, etc. It was choice. (That is, until my girlfriend of the next 11 years came walking thru the door. She’s a long, twisted and painfully romantic story that began some years before that and deserves its own blog to be honest.) But it meant me writing “I Quit,” on my timecard and punching out for eternity when I was supposed to be going to lunch. I hadn’t stepped into the craft store since the day I returned to pick up my last check.
When asked if I was all right by the management that day, I panicked and told them the first thing that came to mind. “I’m Moving,” I said. “To Maine.” …Yea right. Main street maybe. About 9 miles away. I dunno why I said it. I was weird in those days. I wanted people to see me on a greater adventure. The one I always had in my head. The one I’m currently living today.
It felt good to be back in the store that inspired so much creativity as well as mischief, not to mention my first practice in capitalism a la minimum wage. Being there smelled the same as the day I lied my way out the door 10 years ago. The pungent and familiar odor was likely due to some of the same ladies still working there. Apparently the fountain of youth flows in the potpourri somewhere between the “Garden of Beadin” and the fall mums.
I gathered some basic materials on my in-store visit and revived my skills in the craft world by assembling a scrapbook of Polaroids I took at my Sister’s wedding. It will be her favorite gift to open when she returns from the honeymoon, pictures of me eating cake & dancing the electric slide. Classy.
(關於electric slide這種舞步請參考 http://www.the-electricslidedance.com/)
Count on my next album having a new dance on it. Something any hillbilly can do. I’m ready to retire by making everyone crazy.